


Sacrifice

by Wellrounded



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: AU, Comfort, Family, Love Triangles, Pining, Sadness, Sisters, friendships, why so many people have such strong feelings for this fool of a man i do not know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-10-28 17:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wellrounded/pseuds/Wellrounded
Summary: "If I tell her that I love him she'd be silently resigned,He'd be MineShe would say, 'I'm Fine'She'd be lying."Eliza meets the man of her dreams at a Winters Ball. What will she do when John Laurens informs her of her sister's growing affection towards the same man?(A bit of a switch around on the musical's take of events.)





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

Eliza sipped on her glass of wine carefully as she scanned her eyes across the ballroom. She was stood to the side of the dance floor with her younger sister Peggy and her friend Kitty, both who had been a bit more voracious with their wine intake and were giggling about nonsense together. Eliza had hoped she would spot her older sister and be able to engage in a more tolerable conversation but struggled to find her amid the busy room.

A raucous laughter erupted from the opposite side of the dance floor, which Eliza imagined was caused by her elder sister. Angelica was made for balls; she knew how to captivate a crowd and dazzle them with her humour and intelligence. Eliza had her own form of humour and intelligence, but she didn’t feel the need to grab the spotlight so much, besides, she preferred to be more selective with whom she shared it.

Eliza excused herself and made her way towards the other side of the room where the noise had now evened out. As she cut through the people she noticed Angelica surrounded by a merry group of soldiers, hanging on her every word. She almost laughed at the sight; these poor soldiers were obviously in dire need of some female company, all competing with one another in an attempt to gain her sister’s attention. One of them caught her eye for a brief second and his bright azure eyes dazzled her, causing her heart to jump in her chest. She felt foolish, how could one glance affect her so easily? Maybe she had consumed more wine than she had realised. It took her a few moments to realise she was still staring, her eyes falling to his lips when he let out a small chuckle at her thunderstruck state.

“Eliza!” Angelica’s voice pulls her back into reality. “So nice of you to join us.”

Angelica was smirking knowingly, looking between the boy with blue eyes and her sister. Yet when she met her eyes there was something else hidden behind the smirk, something akin to a wariness or disillusion.

“Gentlemen, meet Elizabeth Schuyler.” Angelica introduced her.

Eliza curtsied, “It’s a pleasure to be acquainted with you.”

“Schuyler?” The boy with the eyes enquired, raising an eyebrow at Angelica.

“My sister.” She nodded, smiling wider than necessary.

“The pleasure is ours Miss Schuyler.” He bowed let out his hand so he could take hers and placed a kiss on it.

“Please, call me Eliza.” She could feel her cheeks burning and prayed it didn’t show up in the candlelight of the ballroom.

“Alexander Hamilton.” He finally introduced himself.

She nodded with a smile before Alexander was pushed to the side by one of his fellow soldiers, who introduced himself as Lafayette and began to introduce the rest of the men: Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens, James McHenry and Aaron Burr.

The conversation continued and Alexander was speaking with such conviction and passion about Laurens’ campaign of an all black battalion that Eliza struggled to focus on anything other than the animated man before her.

A few minutes into the conversation Peggy and Kitty interrupted, “Angelica, introduce us to these fine men.” Peggy exclaimed.

Once they all became equated and had fallen into a new conversation Eliza pulled her sister to the side.

“What do you know of Alexander?” She asked, glancing back to make sure he wasn’t listening.

“I know some, why do you ask?” Angelica enquired, although she had a feeling she knew already.

“He talks so passionately I can’t bring myself to focus on much else.” Eliza bit her lip.

“Hmm, he seems to have that affect on people.” Angelica agreed.

Eliza looked back to the group and noticed Peggy laughing at something Alexander had said whilst Kitty was eyeing him cautiously.

Her eyes widened as she looked back to her sister, “Oh, that’s the Alexander Kitty has mentioned?”

“Him and Kitty?” Angelica raised an eyebrow.

Eliza nodded, “It was a short-lived correspondence from what I’ve heard.”

“He sure knows how to make his way around the ladies of the town.” Angelica exclaimed.

Eliza frowned at this, disappointment etching her features.

“You like him.” Her elder sister stated knowingly.

“I didn’t say that.” Eliza sighed.

“You don’t have to my dear sister. It’s quite obvious.”

“But how do I get him to notice me in a ballroom of elegant women?” Eliza asked.

“Just be yourself.” Angelica held onto her arms gently shook her a little.

“That’s easy for you to say. People always notice you, it’s not so easy for others.”

“They notice me because I make them. You can do the same, just go and talk to him.”

“I don’t know…” Eliza began to say but Angelica had pulled her back to the group.

“Alexander, my dear sister here has dance moves which beg to be experienced, maybe you could accompany her on the dance floor?”

Eliza felt her chest tighten in anticipation, what if he didn’t want to dance with her.

“It would be my pleasure.” He held out a hand for Eliza and she took it and led him to the dance floor.

She was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t notice the lingering glance held between him and her sister as she led him away.

Alexander quickly shook his head; clearing it of the confusion Angelica had left him with. She had been seemingly flirting with him the whole evening, and now she had unexpectedly offered him to her sister. He wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, but it settled uneasily in his stomach.

He looked down at Eliza who was smiling shyly at him and there was something in her dark eyes that captivated him. They steadied him, easing any anxiety he had felt in such a reassuring way that he almost forgot what he was doing. So much so that he moved his foot in the wrong direction and stepped on her toe.

“I do apologise. I am quite rusty.” He frowned apologetically.

Eliza smiled reassuringly, “It’s okay. We do not have to dance if it is not to your likening.”

“And miss the pleasure of experiencing this dance with you?”

“It would save my toes the trauma.” Eliza chuckled as he miss stepped again.

Alexander’s cheeks flushed, he smiled coyly and Eliza felt the rest of the room disappear around them. All she could see was him, her eyes scanned his face and focused on a faint freckle below his lip. She wanted to reach out and caress it gently with her fingers, but she refrained, instead placing her hands on his hips.

“Here, like this.” She told him, helping to guide him through the moves until he finally got the hang of it. Her fingers tingled where they met with the warmth of his sides and she wondered if he could feel it too.

When she looked up she found Alexander smiling at her fondly, his eyes sparkling in the candlelight. He parted his lips as if to say something but caught himself, shaking his head and looking away.

“What?” She questioned, gaining his eye contact again.

“You were going to say something.” She stated.

Alexander paused; he was usually so good with words, but the words he was going to say were not his usual topic of conversation and it bewildered him that it felt so natural to do so with the woman in front of him.

“I was just going to say, this brought me back to memories of dancing with my Mother. She gave me my first lesson during a quiet period in the shop she owned. There wasn’t much space but we made do.” He smiled tenderly at the memory. “I had forgotten it until now.”

Eliza found herself imagining the scene cheerfully, but there was a longing in his eyes that made her consider something.

“Do you no longer see your Mother?”

Alexander shook his head, “No,” he averted his gaze, “No, she passed when I was 12.”

Eliza nodded sadly knowing nothing she could say could take away that sort of pain.

“Did she like to dance?” She asks instead, wanting to learn more about her.

His face lit up again, “I suppose she did, but she loved singing even more. I always knew where she was due to the sweet melodies she’d sing as she worked or cleaned. I don’t think she even realised she was doing it half the time.”

“One of my little sisters is similar, she’s always singing around the house.” Eliza grinned.

“How many siblings do you have?” Alexander asked.

“More than I can count.” She replied with a giggled. “Do you come from a big family?”

“No, I have brothers, but we are unable to see each other due to distance.” He answered diplomatically. “I feel I would have enjoyed having sisters though.”

“Well, you can share mine if you wish. However, I’ve been told we can be hard work when we’re together, though I feel that’s more aimed at Angelica and Peggy.”

As if she’d been waiting to hear her name Peggy let her presence known, “Time to share Colonel Hamilton, Betsey!”

Eliza raised an eyebrow at her younger sister but stepped away with a laugh, allowing Peggy to take her place, mouthing a “Good luck” to Alexander.

She went to search for Angelica but was stopped in her tracks by Aaron Burr who held a hand out for her, “Care to dance?”

Eliza smiled and curtsied before apologising, “I am currently looking for my sister, maybe later.”

He bowed and nodded, “I believe she went out for some fresh air.”

“Thank you.” Eliza made her way to the outside area feeling concern creep up within her. Angelica never usually needed fresh air at these types of events.

On route she bumped into John Laurens who was making his way back inside.

“Colonel Laurens, have you seen Angelica?” She questioned.

He glanced back out to the door leading to the patio area and back to Eliza.

“She’s outside.” He rubbed his hands together uneasily and it made Eliza nervous.

“Is something the matter?”

“No, no. Not really.”

“Not really?”

“It’s nothing to be concerned about, she just in the middle of a full blown debate with Hercules and Lafayette right now. I’m sure she will be back inside shortly, why don’t we dance in the meantime?”

“I’d rather we sat, my feet are quite sore.” She motioned to an empty table at the side of the dance floor.

“Ah, that’s a common complaint after dancing with our dear Hamilton.” He grinned, pulling out a chair for her to sit.

“You dance with him often?” Eliza remarked.

John chortled, sitting down beside her. “You’d be surprised at what merriments happen between soldiers. We have to keep ourselves amused somehow.”

“That doesn’t surprise me as much as it might ought to.” She answered enjoying the vision she had in her head of the soldiers she met tonight creating their own dance parties between their tents in the camp.

“Whoever has to dance with Hamilton gets the short straw.” He joked.

“I don’t believe that.” Eliza smiled. “What he lacks in footwork he makes up in charisma.”

John arched his eyebrow at her statement and Eliza bowed her head.

“I’m sorry, that was probably improper of me to say.”

“Of course not. I believe we are all aware of Alexander’s charisma. He has never had any trouble in enamouring the fairer sex.”

Eliza twisted her lips at this comment, remembering that he was quite the ladies man. “I guess not.”

John noticed the regret in her features.

“I’m didn’t mean to paint him in that light. I just meant… well…” He paused considering whether to share the information he knew.

“What is it?”

“I probably shouldn’t be the one to inform you.” He sighed.

“Well now you must.”

He groaned; he shouldn’t have started this conversation.

“Please.” Eliza asked, her dark eyes begging him to relieve her.

“It’s just, you sister appears to be quite enamoured by him too.”

“Peggy?” Eliza exclaimed, looking back to her sister who was dancing with Alexander, “She’s like that with most men, she’s enamoured with everybody.” Eliza laughed.

“No, not Peggy. Angelica.”

“Angelica?” Eliza’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Yes, they were engaged in quite a long conversation earlier, and well they seemed quite charmed by one another, your sister in particular.”

“Oh.” Eliza tried to swallow the lump in her throat and the sinking feeling of her stomach. “But then why did she initiate the dance between Alexander and myself?”

“Why do you think?” John questioned.

Eliza sighed, deep down she knew; her sister would do anything to see her happy, even if it meant sabotaging her own happiness.

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it but…” He wanted to reach out to tell her he knew what it felt like, to want Alexander but to not be able to have him. It was part of the reason he felt the need to share the information with her, for he couldn’t bear to see Alexander to string her along any further before the inevitable was revealed, for either of the women.

“No, I’m glad you did.” Eliza interrupted him. “Thank you John.”

Angelica had been putting her first since the day Eliza was born, and for once Eliza was going to stop the unnecessary cycle. She had only met Alexander a mere hour earlier, only danced and spoke to him for minuets and she had enough experience with men to know that good first impressions could quickly dissipate after a few meetings. Sure, Alexander felt different to any other man she had ever met, but that didn’t mean they were destined towards a great future together. There would be other men, but she only had one elder Sister.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Eliza was buttering some bread for her younger siblings when Angelica joined them for breakfast.

“Morning.” She greeted everyone, taking the seat next to Eliza.

“No sign of Peggy yet?” Eliza queried.

“I’m sure she’ll join us once her stomach starts complaining.” Angelica answered, grabbing some bread for herself.

“My stomach’s complaining!” Their younger brother Rensselaer whined.

“Be patient Renny.” Eliza warned him, patting him on the head as she passed the bread around.

“So…” Angelica began, as she poured herself and Eliza some tea. “How was your dance with Colonel Hamilton?”

“It was satisfactory.” Eliza glanced sideways to gauge her sister’s reaction.

“Just satisfactory? You two looked like you were deep in conversation.”

“He stepped on my toes three times.”

“You can enrol him in dance lessons, or better still, teach him yourself. That’s if you can drag yourself away from staring at him helplessly for more than 5 minutes.”

“Angelica.” Eliza warned.

“Come on Betsey, what’s the matter? Did he say something to upset you?” Angelica’s eyebrows furrowed at the thought. She knew Hamilton could be abrasive and if he had dared say anything untoward to his sister she would be sure to have a stern word with him.

“No, he didn’t. We had an enjoyable dance and discussion, but that was it.”

“Okay.” Angelica sighed, trying to work out what had gone wrong. Eliza had looked so infatuated with Hamilton, which is why she had encouraged the dance. She had watched them closely, noticed the way Hamilton eyed her sister fondly and leant close to talk to her as if he were sharing a secret only for her ears. They looked like they were long lost friends, not a girl and boy who had only just met. It had almost been sickening, so much so that Angelica had struggled to watch, leaving the hall for some air. She thought she had been doing to right thing, but maybe she had misjudged the situation.

“What did you discus?” She questioned. Surely something must have happened to put her sister off.

Eliza’s heartbeat quickened, they had talked about his mother, his dead mother. It had only been brief but she had got a sense that it wasn’t something he talked about often and so it felt too intimate to share. Besides, he’d probably want to tell Angelica about her himself if they were to become betrothed.

“He spoke of you actually.” Eliza said evasively. She looked down to Renny beside her, not able to look at her sister in the eye, sure she would see the lie on her face if she did.

Eliza wasn’t completely uncomfortable with lying. She had done so many times to her parents, usually joined by her sisters when they had been up to no good together. But when it came to lying to her elder sister she struggled and Angelica usually spotted it a mile off if she ever attempted.

The statement however had appeared to startle her sister so much that she didn’t detect a hint of a lie.

“He did?”

“Hmm.” Eliza nodded.

“What did he say?”

“Err…” Eliza stuttered, trying to summon up an appropriate answer.

“Eliza.” Angelica’s voice was stern and Eliza felt her resolve crumble.

“Ok, he didn’t talk about you. But I bumped into Colonel Laurens afterwards and he did.”

“Laurens?” Angelica’s mind flashed back to the moment she rushed past him to go outside. He had looked concerned and followed her. She tried to brush the watery look in her eyes away but he had appeared unconvinced.

“He just mentioned that you and Hamilton had become well acquainted earlier on in the evening.”

Angelica let out a breath of defeat, “Did he now?”

“He only filled me in on what you should have.” Eliza said boldly.

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I don’t need a man to be happy Angelica.”

“I know that. But you looked so enchanted by him and he appeared the same with you.”

“No more so than he was with everyone else.” Eliza reassured her.

“Well his mood definitely declined after you left.”

“Angelica, I love you and I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. But you can’t keep putting my needs before yours, or assuming you know what it is I need. I spoke with him for a mere few minutes and that was only because you pushed the two of us together.”

“What are you two talking about?” Peggy inquired as she entered the room and sat down next to Angelica, picking up her sister’s tea.

“Nothing” their replies echoed.

“Oh, so Colonel Hamilton then.” Peggy rolled her eyes knowingly bringing the teacup to her lips.

“He got his fair share of the Schuyler sisters last night didn’t he.” She continued. “That is until you decided to leave,” she nodded to Eliza, “and you decided to ignore him for the rest of the night” She looked toward Angelica. “The poor guy asked me if he’d done something to offend the two of you.”

Eliza squinted at Angelica, “You ignored him the rest of the night?”

“That wasn’t my intention.” Angelica sighed, picking up her napkin from her lap and folding it in front of her.

“Girls. Less talking, more eating please.” Their mother called from the other end of the large table. “Your father is having company soon and we need to get the table ready for the assembly.”

“Ugh, why does father always insist on having company the day after a ball?” Peggy moaned.

* * *

Eliza was in the parlour sewing with her mother and sisters when their father’s company arrived. An hour or so later she bored of the sewing and made her way upstairs to her room to grab her current book of choice. As her foot touched the first step heard the commotion of men’s voices from behind her and felt her heart flutter at the sound of one in particular. Turning around she saw Colonel Hamilton walking through the corridor following her father and General Washington, a few more men following behind.

“We can adjourn in the parlour for refreshments.” Her father said.

At this Peggy poked her head out of the parlour, “Should I go and fetch the tea?”

“Yes, call in on the servants my dear.”

Peggy nodded and went too make her way to the kitchen when Hamilton stopped her.

“Hey, is your sister around?”

“Which one?” Peggy’s eyes narrowed.

“Ang… Angelica.” He muttered.

Eliza felt her heart drop. Despite wanting that to be the answer, she couldn’t deny the disappointment it conjured up within her.

Peggy must have caught sight of her sister and the look on her face for when Eliza looked up both her sister and Hamilton was staring at her. Hamilton looked quite uncomfortable, his expression hard to read. He quickly replaced it with a smile.

“Miss Schuyler.” He addressed her. “How are your toes holding up?”

Eliza found herself smiling at this; at least he hadn’t forgotten about her completely.

“I can just about walk, still.” She replied good-naturedly.

“Good, good.” Alexander nodded, seeming at a lost as to what else to say. He seemed rather fidgety and Eliza figured he was probably feeling awkward or just eager to speak to her sister instead of her. She tried to push aside the stab of pain in her chest at the thought.

“I will go and fetch Angelica for you. She is currently overseeing my brothers’ tuition.”

“Oh, I do not want to bother her then.”

“She will be happy for the relieve, believe me. I will overtake the supervision.”

“If you are sure.”

Eliza nodded, excusing herself as she made her way to her brothers’ room.

She knocked on the door gently, not wanting to startle anyone, even though footsteps could be heard from across the house.

“Eliza.” Angelica greeted with a smile.

“I have come to relieve you.” Eliza explained from the doorway, nodding her head to the hall as a hint she wanted a word.

Angelica placed down the book in her hand and followed her sister out into the hallway.

“Colonel Hamilton has requested to speak with you.” Eliza explained.

“He came to the house?” Angelica asked, perplexed.

“He is Washington’s aide-de-camp, he joined him for Papa’s meeting.”

“Right, of course.” Angelica rubbed her hands down her dress, attempting to flatten out any creases.

“Angelica.” Eliza took her sister’s hand in hers, waiting for eye contact. “Put yourself first for once. Please.”

A slow smile spread on Angelica’s face in thanks. She lifted her sister’s hand and kissed it before making her way to find Hamilton.

She found him stood by the window, alone, looking out at the garden when she made her way into the parlour. She allowed a servant to pour her a tea before joining him.

“Hamilton.” She greeted.

He turned to her, “Angelica, it’s nice to hear your voice again. I was worried you had lost use of it last night?”

“I…” Angelica sighed, “I’m sorry if it appeared I was ignoring you, that was not my intention.”

“Did I do something to offend you?” He asked quietly, glancing around the room to make sure no one else was privy to their conversation.

“No, you did nothing of the sort.”

“Are you certain? For, after I danced with your sister you appeared distant.”

“Do you like my sister?” Angelica blurted out, needing to know the answer before she pursued this any further.

Alexander startled, playing with the cuffs of his shirt and coughing gently. “I am fond of both of your sisters, your whole family, in fact.”

Angelica narrowed her eyes at him; he had known what she meant.

He let out a breath and turned to the window again. “I guess I am feeling somewhat puzzled. I had thought you and I had a sound connection but then you appeared to be setting up a association between your sister and I.”

Angelica twisted her lips, “I can see how that could be confusing.”

“Your sister is absolutely charming, I cannot deny it. But I must be honest, I was originally hoping to dance with you and continue that riveting discussion we were having.”

“My sister is the dearest woman I know.” Angelica agrees, “But next time, I will offer only myself to you, and as for the discussion, we can start up a correspondence, you have my address.”

Alexander smiled at this. Most women he met were not as forthcoming or confidently directive as Angelica was. It was what drew him to her in the first place, for finally he may have found a woman who could meet and understand his pace.

“I would be honoured to begin a correspondence with you.” He already had so much he wanted to discuss with her.

“Good.” Angelica nodded happily. “I shall be expecting to hear from you in the next post.” With that she passed him her barely touched tea and left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

_“Miss Schuyler, in compliance with your sister’s wishes I have enclosed you a letter. Yet, whilst it may come across as an act of obedience to keep your dear sister happy, I must admit that I do so joyfully. In fact would have written to you sooner if I were not anxious it might seem improper, for I have been wishing to thank you for generating such a fond memory of my mother, which had been misplaced for many years. It is astonishing how ones mind can do that, is it not? To lock away such precious images, smells and sounds that can only be revisited when the stars align and the right key is found to unlock it. And so thank you, Eliza, for being the key in this instant and gifting me with such a vivid image of my dearest mother. The memory stays unlocked within me now and I can even smell the musky scent of the little shop and feel the pinch of my second-hand shoes when I consider the moment dearly. It was unfortunate for you that you experienced a similar pain due to my clumsiness. Your sister believes I must have been having an off night, for she says I dance quite adequately. Of course, I’m sure you will not be surprised to hear she had enlisted me in dance classes nonetheless. Your sister’s mentions of you are plentiful, whether in letter or in person, her dear sister Eliza is always close on her mind requiring praise. Praise, which I agree, is duly deserved and I am happy to comply with. I have also been treated to many great stories of your Margarita, I do not believe I could ever bore hearing accounts of you and your sisters growing up. What an idyllic picture you sister paints in my mind of the three of you causing mischief in abundance. I have always considered your father to be a patient man; I am beginning to understand why. I cannot express how fortunate I feel to have been prized with such a wholesome family. I will spend the rest of my days trying to persuade my worthiness to you all._

_Pray, indulge me with a quick reply; I shall be awaiting it eagerly._

_A.Ham”_

Eliza reread the letter three times before she allowed herself to begin to process it. She had been confused when the maid handed a letter to her claiming it was from General Hamilton.

Surely she was having a blip and had gotten the wrong sister. But when she glanced down at the name on the envelope she saw “Elizabeth Schuyler” written in a scrawled cursive.

She wasn’t sure how to feel when she pulled the seal apart and prised it open. If she were being honest she had been trying to distance herself from him in the recent weeks since the ball. Angelica had quickly summoned up a correspondence with him and was falling for him more and more with each day. It was rare a day or two would go by without Angelica receiving a letter. Eliza had been privy to them, Angelica keen to share Alexander’s words with her dear sisters.

Eliza found herself even more fascinated with this man the day the first letter arrived. She read through it, her elder sister a buzzing energy on one side, her younger one on the other reading it over her shoulder. She had felt butterflies form in her stomach at his beautiful way with words and the hint of envy bubbled up inside her, which was quickly pushed away when she saw the way her sister’s smile radiated.

Alexander wasn’t hers, and so she wasn’t going to even allow the thoughts of what could have been, or imagine what he might have written to her if she were in her sister’s position.

But now he had written a letter to her and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

Her stomach twirled at the thought that he had been wanting to write a letter to her before her sister’s prompt. How he admitted to cherishing their small conversation and wanted to thank her for it made her heart flutter in her chest.

Her body was deceiving her and reacting in the way she dreaded every time Angelica received another letter. She thought she had managed to push them away but they were coming back with a vengeance, the realisation causing her chest to contract with guilt. She needed to take control of her feelings; a man and woman could be friends and that’s exactly what they will be.

The internal fight of how she should be feeling and what she was really feeling caused her head to spin and so she retreated to her bedroom to rest.

“Ah, so you received one too!” Peggy bounded into their shared bedroom, her own letter in her hand. “Here was me thinking I was special.”

Eliza attempted a smile – so he had written them all letters.

“What did he say in yours?” Peggy asked. “He babbled on about how great Angelica was in mine. As if we haven’t been told that a million times before.” She huffed.

“Mine was similar.” Eliza lied, “But he did use a few sentences to praise the rest of the family too.”

“Hmm, I guess I shall forgive him then.”

* * *

 

Eliza was tending to 4-year-old Cornelia’s scratched knees when Alexander next arrived at the house about a week later. The young girl had been chasing her older brother around the house when she tripped and Eliza, attuned to the little girl’s cries, quickly came to her aid.

“Shush, it’s okay.” She soothed as she cleaned the graze with a wet cloth.

Alexander smiled at the scene, he remembered his mother doing the same to him when he was a child. She would also put the essence of a local plant on it to sooth the sting, he couldn’t quite remember the name of it now, but he was sure it didn’t grow in Albany.

“Miss Schuyler, have you been fighting dragons whilst I’ve been gone?” Alexander asked the little girl as he approached them.

Cornelia looked up to Alexander, her eyes still wet and pouted before burying her face into her sister’s side.

“Only if that dragon’s name goes by Rensselaer Schuyler.” Eliza rolled her eyes.

“Ah.” Alexander nodded in understanding

Cornelia whimpered and Eliza pulled back to look at her face. “Look, it’s all better now, my sweet girl.”

Cornelia looked down at her knees, they really weren’t too bad, she had been more upset about losing her way with her brother than anything.

“But Renny took all the marbles.” She sniffed.

“Well, tell Renny that I said he has to share the marbles with you or I will make him do an extra hour of reading tomorrow.”

Cornelia giggled at this, “Okay.”

They watched her run of, Alexander with a fond smile on his face.

“You are so good with your siblings.”

“Well, Mama’s not feeling well at the moment and they run circles around the maids if someone doesn’t take charge of them.” Eliza smiled.

“They are very lucky to have you looking out for them.” Alexander tells her sincerely, a hint of longing on his face.

“That is kind of you to say.” Eliza smiled, before considering something. “Were you the youngest?”

Alexander’s eyes met hers, sharp and alert as he nodded.

“I have never met my eldest brother, though James and I were somewhat close when we were younger. We have unfortunately drifted apart since, I guess an ocean between you does that.” He ended with a nervous laugh, his hand pushing his hair behind his ear.

It was the first time Eliza had seen him so open and vulnerable, his usual bravado had disappeared and she was seeing the ugly truth beneath it all. Not that she found it ugly at all, if anything it was endearing and beautiful and it was making her stomach dance again.

He coughed, “Sorry, I uh… don’t talk about them often… so it’s…”

He paused, lost for the right word and feeling utterly exposed. He hadn’t mentioned this to many people, scared of the judgement that would come with it, and he especially hadn’t mentioned it to Angelica. His past was something he wasn’t yet prepared to go to with her, terrified that she may be put off by his undesirable upbringing. Men like him didn’t marry into families like hers, and yet here he was sharing this information with her sister.

“I understand.” Eliza placed a hand on his arm reassuringly. “It’s difficult for you to talk about.”

He nodded, taking in a deep breath. She wasn’t judging him, and that realisation calmed him down significantly.

“We were separated after my mother’s death.” He explains.

Eliza wondered where his father was in all of this, but kept the thought to herself. If he wanted to share that information with her, he would. She wasn’t going to make him feel even more vulnerable than he already did.

“Speaking of my mother, did you receive my letter?” Alexander quickly changed the subject.

“Yes, I did. It was quite unexpected.” She smiled.

“I was hoping I would have gotten a reply already. I wasn’t lying that I would be eagerly awaiting it.” He grinned.

“Oh!” Eliza’s eyes widened. She had attempted to reply to it twice already, but every time she wrote something out she had scribbled it out again. “I…”

“It’s okay.” Alexander reassured, “You do not have to reply if you do not wish. I just hope you accept my sincere gratitude.”

“I do… I did. I’m just, I have not prioritised my time as I should.”

“So I can still be hopeful for a reply?” He quizzed.

Eliza chuckled, “You can.”

“Ah, Alexander, here you are!” Angelica’s voice echoed off the walls as she greeted them.

Alexander stood taller, his whole body language changing as he held out a hand to greet her. “Angelica.” He smiled, kissing her on the hand.

“Are you ready to take a walk around The Pastures?” Angelica queried.

“I am, lead the way.” He granted.

“One moment, let me fetch my hat and mittens.” She replied as she went in search for them.

Eliza smiled, “I shall leave you two to it.”

“Wait, Eliza.” Alexander held onto her arm. “What I mentioned, about my brothers, I, well…” he cleared his throat, “I haven’t mentioned much of them to Angelica yet, and I would like to be the one to share that with her, please.”

Eliza placed her hand on his soothingly. He had probably heard from Angelica how much the sisters shared with one another.

“She wont hear it from me.”

She watched his chest deflate, “Thank you.”

Just then Angelica walked back into the hallway, ready to be protected from the cold in her mittens and hat.

“Eliza.” She smiled at her sister. “Would you like to join us? We are just heading for a walk around The Pastures, I told Alexander I would show him the winter trail.”

Eliza smiled back but shook her head, “I’m afraid I will have to decline, I have an important letter to write.”

"Very well." Angelica replied. Holding her hand out to Alexander, "Let's go."

Alexander took it, happily tucking his arm under hers.

Eliza didn't miss the smile he gave her as he led her sister out.

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Laurens.” Eliza greeted as she made her up the steps to the dance hall with Peggy. They had just exited their carriage and found him making his way up the stairs, alone.

“Ladies.” He smiled at them, his eyebrows furrowing upon realising it was just the two of them. “Is Hamilton not with you?” Alexander had left the headquarters early so he could travel to the ball with Angelica.

“No, he and Angelica came ahead of us. Our dear Peggy was running late and Angelica nearly had an aneurysm.”

“Oh please, Alexander was just as bad, it was like they were trying to outdo one another on who could be the most neurotic.” Peggy rolled her eyes.

Eliza smirked at the memory, Alexander was trying to be polite and not let his impatience show, by he kept pulling on his fingers and his knee bopped so much than Angelica actually had to slap it to get it to stop.

“Ooh, there goes the champagne, see you later!” Peggy called out, following the servant carrying the drinks.

Lauren’s laughed, “She’s one of a kind your Sister.”

“Hmm, that is true. She tried on twelve different dresses tonight only to end up choosing the first one!” Her dear sister had even managed to test her patience tonight. Her fingers were red raw from fastening and unfastening so many corsets and elaborate ball gowns.

“You’ll probably be needing a drink too then?” Laurens enquired.

Eliza smiled and Laurens took her hand leading her to on of the empty tables at the side of the dance floor, “Here, you sit down. I will fetch the refreshments.”

Once left alone, Eliza began to scan the ballroom. There were a number of familiar faces, she noticed General Washington and his wife Martha, who looked elegant, as always, in a green ball gown. She somewhat looked up to the lady, the way she always stood by her husbands side, yet was never shadowed by his light. As she continued to scan the room, her eyes fell on her sister and Hamilton. She wasn’t surprised to see they appeared lost to some discussion, or debate. Angelica’s hands were moving around rapidly in front of her as she spoke to the men in front of them and Alexander was looking at her with an impressed smile, his eyes lit with excitement as he watched her.

“They’re luminous, aren’t they?” Laurens interrupted her thoughts as he placed their drinks on the table in front of her.

When she looked up she noticed he was looking exactly where she had been.

“I guess that’s one way of putting it.” Eliza took a sip of her drink, her throat feeling unnecessarily dry.

Laurens mirrored her action, taking more of a gulp than a sip.

“So,” he began, “when are you going to reply to his letter and put me out of my misery?”

“Pardon?” Eliza looked up at him.

“He wrote you another letter, am I right?”

Eliza nodded, her stomach swirling in the way it always did whenever she thought about the letters he wrote her. After she had replied to his last letter, he had sent another, just days later. Whilst trying to summon up the right words to reply to him she had received a second one.

“He’s been complaining that you are taking too long to reply.” Laurens informed her.

“Oh…” Eliza sighed, looking over to Alexander again.

“Did he say something to make you uncomfortable?” Laurens asked. “He has a way with words that makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world he cares about.”

Eliza nodded at this, he did make her feel that way and that was the problem. She shouldn’t be feeling that way about the man her sister is dating.

“I…” Eliza paused, sighing again, too scared to word how she was feeling out loud.

“It’s okay. I’m not here to judge, you’re not the first one to fall a victim of Colonel Hamilton.”

Eliza raised an eyebrow at this confession, to which Laurens just smiled, “Like I said, he has a way with words.”

“It’s not just his words.” Eliza admitted sadly. “I feel different whenever I’m around him or whenever someone so much as mentions his name, which is a lot in our household, I might add. I’ve never felt like this before and it’s all so wrong and awful and I don’t know how to stop it.” She lifted her hands to her face and leant forward, terrified by the fact she had openly worded what she had been trying to keep hidden from so many. It was usually her sisters who she would confide in, however this was not something she wanted to share with either of them. Angelica for obvious reasons and Peggy because she was bound to accidentally let it slip, or convince her to share how she was feeling with Angelica, and she couldn’t do that because she was trying to be the giving one for once. Angelica had taken the fall for her too many times.

“Shush, it’s okay.” Laurens rested his hand on her back and rubbed it soothingly. “You’re not alone.”

Eliza removed her hands, her eyes watery, yet holding back the tears of distress.

“You and Hamilton?” She queried.

Laurens glanced around them to make sure no one could listen in, before nodding his head, his lips in a straight line.

“I don’t really think there’s a word for what we shared. We were never officially together, but the feelings were there and they were real.” He admitted. He looked around them again, his hands buzzing with anxiety that the wrong person could have heard his confession. It wasn’t something he liked to broadcast.

Eliza’s eyebrows knitted, it hadn’t occurred to her that a man could love a man before, besides a non-platonic way. Her upbringing never allowed her to consider much outside of what she knows when it came to romantic love and relationships.

“But, how does that work?” She asked, feeling naive.

Laurens chuckled, “It’s exactly the same as having feelings for the opposite sex, it just comes with the additional fear of judgement and self loathing.”

Eliza considered this for a moment, looking towards her sister and Hamilton again and sighed, “I can understand that.”

She then shook her head, confused. “Hamilton was always considered a tomcat with the ladies.”

“He has created somewhat of a reputation for himself.” John agreed.

“So he enjoys the company of both men and women?”

John nodded, “He is needy for affection my dear Hamilton. But asides from his indigence, yes he is attracted to both men and women.”

“Laurens! Miss Schuyler!” Hercules Mulligan shouted at he made his way to where they were sat. He grabbed John’s drink and gulped it down. “What are you two doing alone over here? Come join the rest of us!”

Laurens hesitated, considering Eliza who looked keen to carry on their conversation. She however nodded in consent, knowing they couldn’t stay alone in this corner the whole night, especially if they didn’t want rumours to grow.

As they walked over to join the rest of the group Laurens felt Alexander’s eyes on him. He chose to ignore them, striking up a conversation with Lafayette instead.

“Ah Eliza, there you are. Hopefully your presence will stop Alexander here from brooding over your lack of correspondence!” She cheered.

“I have not been brooding.” Alexander exclaimed, and Eliza was sure his cheeks turned a shade darker.

“You wrote me a note which was ultimately you complaining about how many letters you have written to my sisters and I and how few you have received in return.” Angelica rolled her eyes.

Eliza supressed a chuckle at this, Laurens was right, he really was needy.

“I wasn’t complaining, I was just enquiring whether I should be expecting a reply or not.” Alexander attempted to explain.

“Well she’s here now, so you can enquire yourself!” Angelica shoved him before turning to interrupt John and Lafayette.

Eliza stood, staring at him with her eyebrows raised expectantly. She enjoyed seeing him like this; looking more like a defiant child than the eloquent and passionate man she often saw.

He huffed out a breath, “First, I wasn’t brooding.”

Eliza smiled at this and he scowled. “Second, it doesn’t make a difference to me whether you reply or not, I was just trying to state to Angelica that even with my busy schedule I still manage to write numerous letters to her and her family.”

“Your busy schedule?” Eliza questioned. “As opposed to our fruitless womanly schedules of household matters?” She asked boldly.

Alexander gulped, his eyes bulging out a little. “No, I… that’s not what I meant at all. I…”

Eliza interrupted him with laughter, “Alexander, please, relax.”

He stopped, shutting his mouth and straightening his posture a little.

“I apologise for taking so long to reply again. It’s not my intention to upset you.”

“I’m not upset.” Alexander quickly defended.

Eliza paused for a moment, looking him over. He really did not like being told how he felt.

“Right, you’re not upset.” Eliza agreed.

“No. I’m not.”

“And your also not brooding or complaining, correct?”

“Correct.”

“So what are you?” She probed.

“What do you mean?” He folded his arms together in front of himself.

“Well you have been sure to tell me what you’re not, so what is it that you’re _are_ feeling?”

“I’m…” Alexander hesitated, thinking the question over. He was rarely asked how he was really feeling. He wasn’t afraid to share his feelings on most subjects, that was clear in the numerous letters he wrote to those dear to him, yet he usually shared said feelings without being prompted first. The person on the other end of the letter had no choice but to hear how he felt, however he had no real inclination as to whether they really wanted to know or cared. And that’s why he got so angst-ridden when his letters were not given a response, because he wanted to be heard, _really_ heard. And when he had left his heart on the page, when he had exposed and opened himself up, the lack of acknowledgement created an anxiety within him that stung deep within his heart.

“I…” he grimaced the realisation hitting him hard as he looked down to his feet, “I guess I feel hurt.”

Eliza felt her stomach drop, “Hurt?” She hadn’t been expecting that and the thought of hurting him caused a physical pain in her chest.

He nodded sheepishly, glancing up to meet her stare, “What I share with you in my letters, they’re not, I don’t…” His voice cracked and he coughed to clear his throat, “They’re not things I share with many, or anyone, really. And so when you didn’t reply, it hurt.”

A silence enveloped them for a moment, as Eliza took in what he was saying. She had never intended to hurt anyone, in fact, she had been trying to do the exact opposite. She remembered what he had shared in his letter, a story of the aftermath of his mother’s death, being separated from his brother and his and his mother’s few lasting possessions being confiscated. She had felt so genuinely sad when reading it that all she had wanted to do was to find Hamilton and envelope him in her arms.

“I’m sorry.” She told him sincerely, her voice soft and warm. “I hope you believe me when I say it was not my intention to hurt you in my avoidance to reply to you.”

“Why were you avoiding it?” Alexander asked.

Eliza paused knowing she couldn’t tell him the reason she’d avoided replying to him was because it scared her how much she cared about him and how she always wanted to know more about his life, or because every time she read one of his letters she felt her heart swell painfully and how deep down she wished she had been the one to meet him first. No, she couldn’t tell him that.

Eliza opened her mouth, trying to form some sort of acceptable answer when Angelica stepped in and grabbed Alexander’s arm.

“Come, let’s dance. This is the song you’ve been practicing to!”

She whisked Alexander to the dance floor and Eliza watched them as they held each other close as they began to move around the ballroom.

When she took her eyes off them she found Laurens holding out a hand to her, “Shall we?”

Eliza took it appreciatively, glad for any kind of distraction right now and allowed him to guide her to the dance floor where they began to effortlessly move together.

They did so silently until Eliza pulled back to meet Laurens’ eyes.

“What about you?” Eliza probed.

Laurens’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Do you enjoy the company of both sexes?” She confirmed, continuing their conversation from earlier.

Laurens scanned the area around them making sure no one could hear them before he moved closer so he could whisper in her ear, “Platonically, yes. Romantically, well, I have been with women before but it has never felt correct, nor has it compared to how I have felt for the male sex.”

Eliza hummed at this, considering something. “Never compared to how you felt about Hamilton?” She whispered in his ear.

Laurens smiled sadly and shook his head, “No.”

“Right.” Eliza looked forlorn, understanding his predicament.

The enormity of the situation appeared to dawn on her and she found herself feeling exceptionally tired.

She rested her head on Laurens’ shoulder and sighed into his ear, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” He replied as they continued to move around the dance floor slowly.

Neither of them glanced up to notice Hamilton’s eyes trained on them from across the dance floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to update, I had a big assignment due in so had to prioritise! Also apologies for any mistakes, I had to rush the end a bit as have another busy week ahead. All should be back to normal in a week or two!


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

“So…” Angelica sat beside her sister in the parlour.

Eliza looked up from her needlework, eyebrows raised at her sister’s inquisitive look.

“You and John Laurens appeared quite captivated with one another last night.” Her sister grinned.

“Did we now?” Eliza went back to her needlework. She supposed they might have come across that way to observers; they had spent the majority of the night by one another’s side.

“Eliza! Don’t act coy with me.” Angelica warned, folding her arms in front of her.

Eliza lifted her embroidery up and squinted as she tried to get a better look “Ang, please, we are just friends.”

She heard her sister scoff and placed her work down on her lap. “A male and female are more than capable of enjoying one another’s company without it being romantic.”

Angelica’s eyebrows rose, “I guess not. But it did come across that way.”

Eliza sighed, “Angelica, nothing is going to happen between Laurens and I.”

“We’ll see.” Angelica smiled mischievously and Eliza felt her stomach drop. She recognised the look on her sister’s face and knew it meant she was hiding something, usually some elaborate plan, which she would force on whoever is unlucky enough to fall victim.

“Angelica, what have you done?” Eliza demanded.

She shrugged, “Nothing awful.”

“Angelica!”

“I may have invited Laurens along with Hamilton to dinner this afternoon.” Her sister explained.

“What, why?” This was not good. The last thing she or Laurens needed was to be stuck in a room with her sister and Hamilton as if they were on a double date.

“I thought it would be good for him to become better aquatinted with our family.”

“Why would that be a good thing?” Eliza exclaimed, frustrated.

Angelica frowned then; she had thought her sister would have appreciated the gesture. Eliza had always been keen to get her sister’s help in courting gentlemen in the past, she had believed she was doing her a favour. But from the heated expression on her sister’s face, she must have read the situation wrong.

“I’m sorry Betsey, I thought you would have been glad to have him here.”

Eliza let out a breath and rubbed her temples in an attempt to ease the tension that had formed there.

“It’s okay.”

“Is it?” Angelica questioned. She knew her sister, and so she knew she had a tendency to downplay her disconcert.

Eliza nodded, “There are worst people you could have invited. At least Laurens’ company is tolerable.”

“Right. And you never know, your friendship could still blossom into something else.”

Eliza bit her tongue, knowing that was not a possibility, but not wanting to argue it further.

“Ang, one of your letters got misplaced with mine.” Peggy joined them, thrusting a letter in Angelica’s direction.

She took it from her sister and Eliza watched as she stiffened a little.

“Who’s it from?” She inquired.

Suddenly, her face changed back into a smile, and Eliza wondered whether she had imagined the minute change in her demeanour.

“Just Hamilton.” Angelica answered, folding the letter in her hands.

“No it’s not.” Peggy frowned, which caught both her sister’s attention. “It’s not his handwriting.” She explained with a shrug.

Eliza looked to Angelica and again saw her resolve melt away a little.

“Ang?”

“It’s no one.”

“Right, no one wrote you a letter. It just materialised out of thin air.” Peggy retorted sarcastically.

Angelica’s eyes narrowed at her younger sister. “It’s none of your business.”

“Angelica.”

Angelica looked to Eliza, the concern evident in her tone of voice and the look on her face. God, Eliza was her weak spot, she could easily stay angry with her other siblings for prying too much, but never with Eliza. Especially when she looked at her with such caring eyes like it pained her to see anyone else distressed.

“You do not speak a word of this to anyone. Especially Mama and Papa. Okay?” She aimed the end of her sentence at Peggy, her face stern.

Her sister’s nodded and she sighed.

“It’s from my dear John.”

“As in John Carter?” Eliza asked.

“Mmhmm.” Angelica nodded. “We have been keeping up a correspondence.”

“What sort of correspondence?” Peggy probed.

“An amiable one. I couldn’t bare to lose his friendship.”

“But why the secrecy?” Eliza had never considered her sister to keep a secret from her before. It hurt and sat uneasily.

“You know Papa’s feelings for him are less than cordial.”

Her sister’s nodded. They did know; it was the main reason that the two ended their courtship. Angelica had been ready to elope with him in defiance, however changed her mind at the last minute.

“What about Hamilton?” Peggy asked. And Eliza is thankful her younger sister had worded what she had been thinking.

“What about him?”

“Does he know you’re still writing love letters to your ex-would-have-been-fiancé.” Peggy pressed.

“Margarita, they are not love letters.”

Eliza looked to her older sister then, still struggling to comprehend why she would hide the letters from her if they were as innocent as she is making out. Of course she agreed that it was less than smart to alert her parents of the on-going correspondence, but Angelica used to share everything from Eliza, why did she not trust her enough to share this.

“Okay, okay!” Peggy retorted sensing her sister’s patience was not going to last much longer.

“And no, Hamilton doesn’t know, as does no one else and it’s to stay that way, right?”

“Right.” Eliza and Peggy answered in unison.

* * *

 

Eliza smiled apologetically to Laurens as he took the seat beside her at the dinner table, whilst Hamilton sat next to Angelica opposite them.

She leaned in close to Laurens to whisper in his ear, “I am so sorry about this. My sister has quite the vibrant imagination.”

Laurens laughed then, “I could not object the invitation, Hamilton has been boasting about the calibre of food served at The Pastures for weeks now.”

Eliza grinned and looked to Hamilton, who she found was staring at the two of them with his eyebrows crumpled. Observing him more she noticed his jaw was set firmly and his nostrils flared a little as he eyed them over.

Laurens must have noticed his unhappy disposition also, for he shared their secret with the table, “I was just saying to Miss Schuyler that you have been praising the calibre of meals here at The Pastures.”

Hamilton didn’t seem to respond much, but Angelica laughed, “Oh, the food is quite adequate,” she brushed off, “However the company is of the highest standard. Isn’t that right, Alexander?”

“Here, here!” Mr Schuyler cheered as he entered the room followed by the rest of the family. Once he had heard of Angelica’s plan to invite both men to dinner he was keen to get to know Laurens more, having heard Angelica’s version of events of the previous night.

“Laurens, I am glad you have joined us today. Would you care for some beer?” He offered the bottle to him after pouring his own generous glass.

“The pleasure is mine General Schuyler.”

Cornelia who had crawled up on the chair next to Eliza squinted over at Laurens. “Are you courting ‘Liza?”

Eliza heard one of her brothers unsuccessfully try to hold back a snigger.

“Uh, um, no, I’m not.” Laurens stumbled, scratching his neck uncomfortably.

“Shame.” Mrs Schuyler hummed as she took her seat at the opposite head of the table. “Your father is Henry Laurens is he not?”

“He is.” Laurens shifted uncomfortably and Eliza felt the urge to kick her sister under the table for putting him in such an unfortunate situation.

Luckily her father sensed his discomfort and had mercy on him. “Let’s not interrogate the poor boy, my love.” Or so she thought. “We do not want to scare him away. I hear you and my dear Betsey got along tremendously well last night.”

Eliza glared at her elder sister then who was averting her eyes as she filled her and Hamilton’s glasses with the wine.

When she realised she would get no help from her she decided to take the matters into her own hands.

“Papa!” She warned.

He smiled at her sympathetically, “Okay, my love.”

Luckily for her the servants chose that moment to enter, carrying a steaming stew, which quickly distracted the rest of the room and their rumbling stomachs.

Except for one.

Eliza could feel his eyes on her again. She dared to glance up and his hard stare quickly moved to Laurens next to her.

She wondered if they had had a falling out previous to arriving today for she had rarely seen Hamilton like this. There had been glimpses here and there when she was having a particularly stressful day, however, his bad mood would disperse quickly when she entered the room.

But this was different. She felt he was angry with her for some reason, and it made her stomach twist unhappily. Maybe he was still upset about her delayed response to his letters. She knew she had taken unforgivingly long to reply, but she had after their last talk, could he really still be holding a grudge against her? She doubted it.

She watched him carefully as he ate, stabbing the vegetables in the stew as if they have personally attacked him.

Maybe he had somehow found out about Angelica’s correspondence with John Carter. Although Eliza had a feeling that wasn’t it, for it was only her and Laurens who appeared to fall victim to his brooding stare.

The thought of Hamilton being upset or dissatisfied with her caused her chest to feel heavy. He was usually so calm and open in her presence she hated to think she could be the cause of his dreary disposition. She spent the rest of the meal moving her food around her plate, her appetite absent.

Hamilton must have noticed she was distracted, for when she next dared to glance at him he was watching her, his expression softer than it had been previously, yet his eyebrows where still wrinkled in displeasure.

There was so much unsaid as they held one another's gaze, a hundred possibilities, a thousand questions, yet it felt beyond her comprehension.

Something was definitely not right and she was determined to find out what.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this off whilst watching the Manchester Concert so forgive me if it doesn't run quite so smoothly. But it has been a long day and grumpy Ham needed to be written!


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

“Hamilton, I told you, there is nothing between Eliza and I aside from friendship.” Laurens quietly but firmly explained.

Hamilton had been testing his patience all evening and now that Mr and Mrs Schuyler had left their daughters to entertain them in the parlour while they saw to some unexpected guests, he had taken his friend aside to have a word whilst the ladies were talking on the other side of the room.

“Maybe not from your point of view.” Alexander huffed miserably.

“Eliza purely sees me as a friend too.” Laurens rolled his eyes.

“Really? So why were you whispering in each other’s ears and giggling as if you had a secret?”

“I was hardly giggling.” Laurens almost laughed at Alexander’s exaggeration of the situation.

“Everyone has noticed it. Mr and Mrs Schuyler were practically planning your marital union in their heads at the dinner table. I told you in the carriage here, you cannot treat Eliza this way, it is unkind.”

“Treat her what way? I’m treating her as I would any friend, Hamilton.”

“No, you’re allowing her to believe there’s something more between you two.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I? Ask Angelica, she saw how you and Eliza were last night at the ball. The only reason you were invited to dinner is because people believe there is a chance of you courting Eliza.”

“Everyone, except Eliza and I. Neither of us is consenting to a relationship with one another.” Laurens spoke through clenched teeth.

On the other side of the room Eliza was distracted from the conversation with her sister by the sound of the boys’ bickering. She could imagine what their discussion was about and she wanted to go over and save Laurens from everyone’s judgement. Alexander fitted in with her family well with the way he jumped to conclusions about her and Laurens’ friendship. At least it distracted them from noticing who her real feelings were aimed at, though she knew it was unfair on Laurens.

She felt Alexander’s eyes meet hers for a second and held his gaze. Daring him to continue the tirade he appeared to be on from across the room.

“Eliza!” Angelica clicked her fingers in front of her sister and laughed. “You are infatuated, my dear sister.”

Eliza met her sister’s gaze to find her smiling.

“Mama and Papa appeared to like him a lot, don’t you think?”

Eliza sighed, “Angelica, as I have told you before, Laurens is just a friend.”

Luckily for her Angelica could sense her sister’s frustration and not wanting to be the cause of her sister’s distress, didn’t press further.

“Well the meal was delightful. It’s always enjoyable to have new company around the table.” She said instead.

“True.” Eliza agreed.

“Although, dear Alexander appeared to be a little disgruntled that he was no longer the talk of the table.” Angelica chuckled.

“Is that what you think that was?” Eliza questioned.

“Of course. He wants to be number one in father’s eyes. He idealises him tremendously.”

Eliza considered this. It was true, Alexander had always been keen to please her parents and gain their acceptance. Maybe she had read things wrong earlier, maybe he was just displeased that her parents were focussing a lot on Laurens instead of him for once. But then, why did she keep feeling his eyes were on her trying to communicate something she couldn’t quite understand?

Just then the boy’s voices rose a little louder and Angelica rolled her eyes.

“I will find out where the refreshments have gotten too. I think they need something stronger.”

Eliza nodded and watched the boys as her sister left the room.

“Alexander, will you stop this nonsense!” Laurens was beyond frustrated now, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“Well does she know?”

Eliza had had enough. “Yes, I know!” She walked over to them with her hands on her hips.

Hamilton’s mouth fell open in surprise, his next words stuck in his throat.

She wasn’t entirely sure that she knew what they were talking about, but she had a good guess, and Hamilton’s reaction only confirmed her thoughts.

He tried to swallow, his mouth suddenly dry and his eyes panicked. “You, you know?”

Eliza nodded, and watched as Alexander’s face dropped.

“She knows I am not attracted to women in the way I should be.” Laurens explained.

Alexander’s eye flitted between Laurens and Eliza, still struggling to find his voice to articulate what he really wanted to know.

Eliza leant forward, reaching her hand out to calm him, “Alexander, it’s okay.”

He pulled his hand back abruptly, the gesture confirming that Laurens’ probably had shared their mutual affection for one another.

“I should… I should go…” He stuttered, backing away from her.

Dread filled his bones, the fear that everything he had built for himself with this family was about to come falling down. He could feel bile rising in his throat, like his body wanted to purge the truth from within him. He turned then, and fled out of the room.

“Hamilton!” Laurens called out, beginning to go after him, however he was stopped by Eliza’s gentle touch.

“Let me go.”

“He thinks you disapprove.” Laurens explained.

“I know. I will let him know that’s not so.” She smiled dryly before making her way to find Alexander.

She had caught him just in time as he made his way to the carriage he had summoned to make his escape.

“Hamilton, wait!” Eliza cried.

Alexander’s head turned and on seeing Eliza he quickly ordered the coachman to drive and jumped into the horse-drawn carriage.

Eliza huffed, before sprinting to catch up before the carriage left. The wheels had just started turning when she reached it. Eliza managed to hold onto the side of the carriage and hoist herself in before it took up too much speed.

Alexander looked dumbfounded at her unexpected move. He then noticed her dress had got caught and torn on part of the carriage and winced. Might as well add that to his list of wrong doings.

Eliza followed his eyes to her dress and shrugged. She can easily fix that, she had a lot of experience of fixing ripped dresses over the years.

What she wasn’t sure she could fix though, was the distraught look on Alexander’s face.

His eyes were darting around the carriage as if he were trapped and looking for an escape and Eliza felt a deep sadness within her that he could actually fear her this way.

“Hamilton, please. It’s okay.” She spoke gently, as if cooing an upset child.

His eyes met hers then and she tried to smile reassuringly. “Please, don’t be scared of me.”

Alexander frowned then, it wasn’t Eliza that he was scared of, no, it was her reaction. It was how this piece of shared information could ruin everything if placed in the hands of the wrong person. But this was Eliza, who was looking at him with such kind and caring eyes that he knew she could never cause any harm to him.

He took in a deep breath, attempting to calm his racing heart.

“I apologise for running. You could have hurt yourself clambering onto the carriage like that. I shouldn’t have put you in danger.”

Eliza scoffed at this. “Please, I am adequately skilled in chasing after delinquent young men without harming myself.”

Alexander raised an eyebrow then, his lip turning up at one corner questionably.

She chuckled, “I’m talking about my brothers.”

“Of course.” Alexander agreed, not entirely convinced.

Silence overtook them, and Alexander realised that the carriage was still moving down the track away from The Pastures. He should probably tell the coachman to stop, but there was something reassuring about the sound of the horse hooves and Eliza’s presence that he didn’t want to break.

A few more moments of quiet passed before Eliza spoke up.

“Alexander. Why did you run away like that?”

His instant reaction was to lie and make up some other excuse as to why he dashed away from the house so quickly. But he had a feeling that Eliza would see through him, and deep down, he didn’t want to lie to her.

“I was afraid of what you might think of me.” He admitted.

“So you assumed my reaction instead of asking me?” She retorted.

Alexander’s face crumpled, “I suppose I did. I was worried you may find the information shared with you distasteful and scandalous.”

Eliza understood this, she did find it scandalous, she couldn’t lie. She was still trying to get her head around the concept that a man could love another romantically. But it didn’t make her think any less of the men in question.

“It did come as quite a shock.” Eliza admitted as Hamilton looked down.

“But I cannot fault you or Laurens for the way you feel or may have once felt about one another.”

Hamilton looked back up at her, his eyes still narrowed in upset, “I fear your family will not feel the same.”

“They do not need to know if you do not wish it.” Eliza reassured.

“You haven’t shared this information with Angelica?”

“No and I have no plans to. Laurens shared it in confidence.”

Alexander let out a deep breath then, his whole body physically becoming supple.

“May I inquire one thing?” Eliza asked, glad to see him in more of a relaxed state.

Alexander nodded, taking in a sharp breath, “Go on.”

She dragged in her own long intake of breath, “Why was it you were so against the idea of Laurens and I?”

Alexander felt a slight embarrassment by the way he had acted at dinner tonight. He had been moody with both Laurens and Eliza and had even been less than talkative with the rest of the Schuylers.

“I didn’t want to see you getting hurt.” He admitted.

“You believe Laurens would hurt me?”

He shook his head, “Not intentionally, no, but I was afraid you may become romantically inclined to him. I had no notion to believe he would share with you his predicament.”

“Predicament. Is that what it is?”

“I believe so. It is not considered customary, am I right?”

“No it is not.” Eliza hummed before continuing. “So, your predicament…” she began, considering how to word her next question.

Alexander’s eyes locked on the crease of her eyebrow as she processed what she wanted to ask.

“…it’s different than Laurens?” She decided to open it up to Alexander.

He nodded, starting to understand what she was asking him.

“I have admiration for both Adam and Eve.” It was strange to hear himself say such a thing out loud. He had always had a silent understanding with Laurens but they rarely spoke of their desires out loud.

“Right,” She nodded slowly, “and Angelica…?”

“Is a admiral descendent of Eve” Alexander concluded.

Eliza smiled slightly, that was definitely one way to describe her majestic sister.

“As are you.”

Eliza blanched then, her eyes locking with Alexander’s, which appeared brighter than usual.

“You do not need to flatter me Hamilton. I will carry your predicament to the grave despite your niceties.”

He chuckled then, but fell silent a moment later, his face becoming serious. “I was not flattering, I was being honest.”

Eliza didn’t know how to take this confession. Her chest felt light at the thought of his admission, but something came along and quickly weighed it down when she remembered he belonged to her sister. She shouldn’t be feeling this way and the guilt began to nag away at her again.

Hamilton noticed her changed in demeanour and watched her carefully. She seemed somewhat troubled and he had to stop the urge to reach out and comfort her. “Are you okay?”

Eliza broke out of her stance then and nodded. “I believe we should ask the chairman to turn back home.”

“Of course.” Alexander agreed, instructing the chairman to do exactly that.

The rest of the journey home was made in silence.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not used to writing so off of the historical map of events so bear with me. This will probably be a longer fic than I've done so far, too. I hope you enjoy. Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


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